PeytonSpeak

Peyton is 5.

Do same-a-me.

I’m doing same-a-Dad.

 Commonly heard phrase- “Dad, I hope you know…..”  or “Dad, you might want to know that…”

 Don’t take my warm Dad!  Get your own warm!  <cold feet on Peyton’s warm skin>

 Whitney can’t have a boyfriend until she’s nineteen or twentyteen.

 What does Mom do when you act like this?  “She nores me.  She tells everyone to nore me.  Nore Petyon everyone.”

 <When singing “I wish I had a million dollars” by Bare Naked Ladies, Peyton makes Austin Powers’ air quotes around “Dijoin” ketchup.  Realizing that it’s not a real thing and the quotes are for fake things.>

 <When putting on flip flops “Dad what toes go on this side?”>

Dad are you being tired of me?

 <early on like around 3> “I want a memooch”.  <sandwich>

<when Peyton is requesting help with anything she will say> “Uhm, could Somebody open the door?”  <or> “Uh, could Somebody please help?”

 “This is your bestest song Dad!”

“Am I worning you out?”

“Did I prize you?”

<when singing song by Everclear, AM Radio>  “I don’t like Dicso.”

I had some gum and gave Peyton a piece to try to soothe her “starving stomach”.  She cried because I would only give her one piece.  When I wouldn’t budge, she said, “Fine, I’ll just choke on this piece because it’s too small.”

“Daddy, give me a pony-back ride.”

After picking up Peyton from daycare one evening, “How could I wore you out?  I wasn’t even at your work!”

After telling Peyton to stop sneaking cheese into her room and leaving it, unopened in her bed for me to find a week later…..”Well Dad, maybe you should keep the cheese away from me Dad.”

“Dad, that’s a girl’s song.  You have to hear boy songs.  If you hear a girl’s song that’s yucky.”

Driving to Grandma Conner’s house one time with my computer system in the front seat, Peyton from the back seat announces she needs more room for her feet and she’s going to move the seat up.  I tell her no, the computer is in the front seat several times.  She makes one last ditch effort to move the seat, I loudly tell her she can’t because……<Peyton breaks in and says>, “OK, I get it!  There’s a computer in the seat!”

Peyton says, “My foot needs to take a break out of these shoes.”

When using tape recorder, Peyton said you are being a recorder, I said, you’re a recorder, she says, “I’m not a recorder. I don’t even have holes to talk to.”

Peyton uses coconut lotion and really smells like coconut. I say, “You smell like a coconut.” Peyton says, “Dad, I’m not a coconut, I’m not even round.”

“I’m reading maZ-a-gines.”

Referring to basketballs and volleyballs in Mom’s garage:  “Grandma’s balls are all pumped out!”

I have a problem. My daughter is constantly running into crap, falling down, and generally not paying attention. This is no doubt due to her constantly wiggling her FIRST LOOSE TOOTH with either her tongue or her fingers. Yes it’s really exciting at the Conner house when she bit into an apple last night while we were reading stories and this look of total amazement and shock came over her. She tested the tooth with her fingers and said, “DAD <yelled and I’m laying right next to her> my toof is loose!” I then explained about the tooth fairy and excitement abounded!

Peyton, you sleep like a log!  “Dad, I’m not even straight!”

“Dad, I really do like to have bacon britts on my salad.”

“Who are you calling?”  I’m calling Grandma to thank her for the shirts.  “Well she didn’t give them to you, the message guy did.”

“Grandma always says, What did you do to Maggie to make her growl?  And she doesn’t know that when Maggie lays down she growls cause it hurts her belly.  I know because I know about golenretreivers.”

Peyton in the tub/shower- TURN OFF THE WATER!  “I’m running out the smoke.  You know that smoke in the shower?”

“I can do it my own self.”

“With you want to, we can do that now.”

Peyton is in the shower and starts to use her washcloth from last time that is hanging on the bar.  She stops and says, “Dad, it’s all rusty.”

While in the car, Peyton asks how long it will be till we get where we’re going.  Not satisfied with my answer, she asks, “How many movies will it be?”

When moving a chair back where she got it, I asked if she could do it a little quicker.  She replied, “Dad, my hands are slippy.”

While gently pulling out Peyton’s very taut pony tail hair bow, Peyton said, “Dad, I can’t close my eyes!”

Peyton has large bad looking scrape on elbow.  I say, that must have really hurt.  Peyton says, “It did, but I told Grandma that it really didn’t.”  I say, “Well, you can’t fool Grandma, I’m sure she knew it really hurt.”  Peyton- “Yes I do fool Grandma.  When I have on those long T-shirts, I tell her I don’t have on panties, but I really do.”

Peyton is 6.

After picking Peyton up from PASSAGE today, I ask my daily question, “Did you get any time outs today?”  Peyton replies, “Wuhl, I got one time out.”  “Well, did any other girls get time outs today?”  Peyton answers, “No, just I got a time out….isn’t that sad?”

After 1st quarter in Kindergarten, Peyton gets moved.  Now she sits next to Michael.  She says, “I sit next to Michael now, and he doesn’t know any of that bad stuff that Seth always did.”

Day after Halloween 2002.  Peyton argues with Dad about taking her entire bag of candy to school because Mrs. Humphrey said to bring her a piece of candy.  She takes one candy bar to give to her teacher.  Upon picking her up that evening, Peyton said, “Mrs. Humphrey laughed, she said she was only kidding.”  Peyton was the only student that brought the teacher one of her candies the next day.  Exept for Zack, and he ate his.

The difference between Nick and Nathaniel is that Nathaniel has spots on his face.

While LISTENING to “Silly Songs” in Grandma’s car, Peyton announces she can’t say what Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques,

Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous? means cause she can’t read cursive.

Putting General Mills Box Tops in an envelope for Peyton to give to her K-teacher, Mrs. Humphrey, Peyton says, “Now you’re going to lick it, and forget it!”  An obvious subliminal reference to the Ronco Infomercial for the oven roaster.

“Grandma, I want some more of that yellow watermelon.” <pineapple>

“Eanie-meanie, miney YO, catch a tiger by its toe…”

“Dad, I’m done with cheese.”

“Peyton, do you know how to do everything in Kindergarten?  “Yup.  But except for being quiet.” 01-13-2003

 “Where did your picture of Maggie on your backpack go?”  Peyton replied, “Oh, I took it out and left it at school cause I’m gonna show-and-tell-it.”  01-21-2003

“Dad, you are so fool of bologna.” 01-23-2003

“I got the Lemon-laid out of the machine!” 01-25-2003

“Peyton your room is a mess you’ve got to pick up because you can’t even walk through it.”  Peyton’s reply, “Yes you can, see there’s trails.” 02-26-2003

Washing Peyton’s hair, “Dad, you can go ahead and scrub soap in my ears so I can listen better!” 03-04-2003

Peyton why don’t you play in your room and quit bringing all your toys out here?  “Dad, don’t you see that mess in there?” 03-08-2003

Upon seeing wet panties on the bathroom floor, I ask, “Peyton why are your panties on the floor all wet?”  Peyton replies from the shower, “I, forgot to take them off.”

03-11-2003

“For lunch I had that yellow watermelon.” (pineapple)

03-17-2003

“No time outs today Dad.  I was too tired today.”

03-18-2003

Dad’s reply to request, “Well if you don’t get any time outs and get all smiley faces this week, then yes you can.”  Peyton’s reply in whiney-crying voice, “….why does everything have to do with smiley faces!”

03-18-2003

Wearing a BigDog T-shirt that says “Bring It” on the back.  Peyton asks, “Bring it, do you have to take that shirt back?”

03-19-2003

We had an Arthur come to school today, not the one on TV, but one who does books, and Mrs. Humphries class was all good for it, even me!”

04/11/2003

When Grandma is cooking in the kitchen Peyton asks, “Grandma, are you being a worker?”

Age 5 2002

Peyton, what did you have for lunch today?  “Well, it starts with two B’s.”  Uh, Baked Beans?  “No, Baked Batato!”

04/16/2003

While crossing railroad crossings, two of them…  “Oh great, let’s get ready to rumble!”

05/04/2003

“Dad, did you ever play Dr. Dodgeball?  What’s that? That’s when you get hit a Dr. comes and drags you off.  But two have to drag me off cause I’m so big.  I was born to be big.”

05/14/2003

“I don’t want to wear this Dad!  But, fine, if you want me to look dorky.”

08/15/2003

On the way to the airport to meet Tammy, Nana, and Jakob, Peyton asks a thousand times, “When are we going to be there?”  Finally, she announces from the back seat, “Dad, you’re lost!”

10/10/2003

“Dad, that shirt is in the clothes camper.”

8/14/2003

“I like college cheese too.”

8/14/2003

“Dad, you bent my toe sidewards.”

8/25/2003

At 6 am, Peyton announces, “Grandma didn’t answer my ding-dong” upon getting back into the car.

8/25/2003

“Peyton, what is 50 minus 2?”  “Let’s see, we just got off of 40’s so, 48?”

9/12/2003

On 3rd day of “no colors” issued for Peyton’s behavior, Dad asks, “Peyton, does Mrs. Yuill even use the color system anymore?”  Peyton’s reply, “No, she uses a star system now.”

September 2003

“I’m going with Grandma to church for the pock-luck.”

9/21/2003

“Dad, you can turn up the radio if you want to, cause I’m going to read my mind.” <reading silently>  Dad’s reply, “Oh, ok, well tell me what it says!”

9/26/2003

“Santa, here is a list of things I want.  Please.  I want a Reindeer, a pup, a rabbit, and a radio.”

10/02/2003

“I’m going to be riding in 4 cars with Grandma’s to Dad’s, to Tammy’s, to Mom’s.  Boy, I’m sure gonna be sittin’ today!”

10/24/2003

Peyton is 7.

Mr. Greer – Gym Teacher 1st grade  “Mr. Greer was really mad at us for being bad.  Robert put a bag over his head and kisses people but then Jacob licked someone’s shoe.”

11/07/2003

“In the olden days, was everything black and white?”

11/07/2003

“Dad, I spelled it P-E-E because I didn’t think that saying it was appropriate.”

11/25/2003

After Wrigley nipped at Peyton’s arm, Peyton said, “She probably just wanted to make me squeak!”  (like one of her chew toys)

1/10/2004

While driving, “I spy with my little eye, something….BROWN AND YOU BETTER HURRY UP DAD!”

2/16/2004

<while reading a calendar> “Dad, Washington’s Birthday is on the twenty-tooth.”

02/18/2004

Impossible question – “Dad, why when people move does the sun move with them?”

3/06/2004

“Dad, I need to make holes in this whistle to make a flute, do you have a poke holer thing?”

03/18/2004

“Peyton, do you know what your cousin’s name is going to be?”  “No, what?”  “Wyatt.”  “No Dad, really, what is it?”

03/2004

“Man that sucker was good!”

5/07/2004

“I slept in Uncle’s old bed at Grandma’s and the bed smelled like Uncle.  He’s always sweaty.”

5/21/2004

“It was like night out with that storm.  It was dark, like peach dark!”

06/21/2004

“Peyton if you don’t hurry up I’m going to leave you in the car.”  Peyton replies, “Oh yeah Dad?  Ok, then someone will steal me!”

06/28/2004

Playing Eye-Spy while traveling Peyton says, “I spy with my little eye something blue….and you better hurry Dad!”

07/01/2004

“No Dad, these jeans aren’t too short.  You only see my socks still!”

08/19/2004

Peyton likes old song on a CD.  Eddie Rabbit song, “American Boy” with line about “…my older brother was a G.I. Joe…” 

“Daddy, play the sloppy-joe song.”

08/13/2004

Peyton’s bicycle helmet has a visor.

“Dad, I like my sunroof on my helmet, it helps my eyes.”

08/11/2004

While playing the “see who can be quiet longest game”.

“Pause!  Ok Daddy, I’m going to be quiet again but it doesn’t count for singing to songs on the radio.  I just can’t resist.”

08/13/2004

While playing catch, “Dad throw some more pot pies!”

08/29/2004

Peyton is 8.

After Jacob Huber’s baptism, “Well Dad, Jacob spit up way far but he didn’t’ get any on his wedding dress.”

10/2004

I really have 32 dollars cause I have 25 dollars and 4 teeth in my head that will come out.” (toot fairy has done $2 a tooth)

12/10/2004

“Sorry I made you cranky.”

1/14/2005

“No, in school we have science seats but not in Sunday School.”

1/17/2005

 Shopping list written out for Grandma; samin, colig chesse,

Olmins, cabig, lemon, and jelow.  Authored by Peyton.

04/18/2005

 When referring to using pencil sharpener over grocery sack, “That’s my pencil sharpener bag so it doesn’t shed all over the place.”

01/28/2005

“I did put my clothes in the camper.”

03/20/2005

“I mean, I put my clothes in the hampster.”

03/20/2005

“Yes, mocial studies is about the countries.”

05/06/2005

Peyton is 9.

“She <grandma> has a lot of mail cause of all the sorry cards <get well cards post 2nd knee surgery>

11/07/2005

<drinking cold soda> “It’s very cold going into my vines.”

11/30/2005

“I thought Aunt Jenny was already 30.”

04/12/2006

“Dad, stop.  You’re just wasting your breath now.”

04/12/2006

<power outage>  “So, how are we going to entertain me now?”

05/2006

“Dad, that is just like the crouton we slept on at Mom’s.”

07/15/2006

<driving through IL>  “There must be thousands of gardens of corn.”

07/16/2006

Peyton is 14

Peyton don’t use the Lord’s name in vain (Jesus)

“Dad, I didn’t use God I said the other guy’s Jesus.”

Peyton, they are one in the same honey

“But I didn’t say Jesus anyway, I said GEEZES like Oh Geez with an es on the end!”

I explained that it’s like a homonym where words sound exactly the same but are spelled differently and mean different things.

“Dad, what? No way, there is nothing wrong with saying GEEZES!”

I went on to explain that GOSH is really a substitute born of using in place of “GOD” and some people don’t like GOSH because of that! This floored her. Anyway, I think I got through to her but it took a solid ten minutes of explanation.

06/10/2011

“Grandma couldn’t believe me. 4 of the 5 horses won that I betted on. She doesn’t know how I do it. (chuckle) Neither do I.”  08/18/2011

“My feet really hurt from volleyball practice today.” Why is that? “Well I only had one shoe so I had to borrow the coach’s daughter’s shoes that are a size 9 and mine are 11s.” Why did you only have one shoe? Shoes are sets they are meant to always be together. Why do you always separate things that are only worthwhile when they are a set? “I must have left it in Grandma’s car.”  Well sure, I knew you could work in blaming the one person not currently present who was part of the recent transportation operation of you and said shoe(s).  08/18/2011

Get home from work, electric skillet going on counter left by sig. other before leaving for Chicago. Daughter standing in kitchen next to covered simmering skillet of something. I say, “what do we need to do?” Daughter replies, “Eat it.” “Thanks. I wasn’t sure if we were supposed to stir it, add something, or build a fort out of it for history class. Eat it you say? No kidding!”

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